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What is a Loranimal?

Many years ago, I received this picture of the Loranimal, latin - HOMO LORANNUS, or Loran Man.   I'm posting it here because this species is fast becoming extinct.  The original illustrator and author is unknown.  If the author and illustrator become known, I'll gladly give them their highly justified credits.


The many characteristics of the Loran Man illustrated above include:

  • Skull cap for deflecting shit that rolls downhill.
  • No eye lids for sleep free all night movie watching.
  • Light bulb ear for power failures.
  • Essential can opener type right arm.
  • Ten gallon capacity beer gut.
  • Webbed feet for running when the shit gets deep.
  • Looped antenna ear for hearing the Commanding Officer when he mumbles. Note 1
  • Extra large nostrils for easy access in times of boredom.
  • Baggy cheeks for storing late night munchies.
  • Fortified teeth for Coast Guard chow.
  • Powerful oversized hand due to a year of strenuous masterbation.
  • Snap top sized pinky.
  • Undersized penis to thwart jealousy.
  • Oversized balls for making command decisions. Note 2


1.  May also be used as a basketball hoop.  Two dead Loran Men are required for full court play.

2.  Deleted on commissioned models.

The illustrated version of the Loran Woman is extremely rare.  If anyone has a copy, contact us.