1. Skull cap for deflecting shit that rolls downhill.
2. No eye lids for sleep free all night movie watching.
3. Light bulb ear for power failures.
4. Essential can opener type right arm.
5. Ten gallon capacity beer gut.
6. Webbed feet for running when the shit gets deep.
7. Looped antenna ear for hearing the Commanding
Officer when he mumbles. Note 1
8. Extra large nostrils for easy access in times of
boredom.
9. Baggy cheeks for storing late night munchies.
10. Fortified teeth for Coast Guard chow.
11. Powerful oversized hand due to a year of
strenuous masterbation.
12. Snap top sized pinky.
13. Undersized penis to thwart jealousy.
14. Oversized balls for making command decisions.
Note 2
Notes:
1. May also be used as a basketball hoop.
Two dead Loran Men are required for full court play.
2. Deleted on commissioned models.
The illustrated version of the Loran Woman is extremely
rare. If anyone has a copy, contact us.
Joe
